Lately I’ve noticed people using their social media profiles to proclaim their love for Netflix. Some even claim they’re going on “hot dates” with their queue. This observation has led me to the realization that, like many of these people, I’m actually in a relationship with my computer — and Netflix is just part of it. I know it sounds wrong. Dirty even. NSFW status. But for me, it’s all PG, I promise. No, I don’t have objectophilia like that one guy on My Strange Addiction who had sexual feelings for his car. Metal doesn’t do it for me. And yes, I have a life. And friends.
But the definition of relationship is: a connection, association, or involvement. With my computer, I have all three. In fact, there’s much more beyond the obvious literal connection (i.e. to the Internet or to an outlet). When I type, it responds — that’s communication, which is essential to any relationship. We interact on a daily basis, and it’s involved in my work life and my home life. It remembers my passwords, things I’ve done and said (search history), and we hang out every day. Here are a few more reasons why my Macbook and I are hitting it off:
IT’S THERE WHEN I NEED IT
If I want to check my email, write an article, or spend countless hours watching Netflix, it’s there. All I have to do is ask — and by ask, I mean type and click. And it doesn’t judge. If I want to watch Netflix and check my Facebook at the same time, it doesn’t view me with a scornful eye. In fact, it loves me in all my multitasking glory … that’s why browsers have tabs, right?
IT KNOWS ME BEST
It doesn’t just hang out with ANYONE. It honors MY password only. Now that’s loyalty. It even remembers my login information and asks nicely if I’m ready to close out of a document or a webpage. It may be old fashioned that way, but I appreciate that it respects my boundaries.
IT BRINGS ME FLOWERS
Okay, so my computer can’t technically go to the store and buy a bouquet, but if I want flowers, you bet your ass I’m gonna get flowers. Orchids? Lilacs? 20 dozen roses? I ask, it delivers. Though if I want an actual delivery, it’s coming out of my bank account … but that’s beside the point.
IT HELPS ME MOVE
Lifting boxes may be out of the question, and no, it can’t go to any open houses with me, but my trusty computer plays a role in helping me find a home and feel at home. In fact it’s involved from the very start, helping with my search for the perfect place. One word: Craigslist.
IT MAKES ME LAUGH
Cat videos? Animated gifs? Old SNL episodes? It’s got it all. My computer, coupled with YouTube, Netflix, HBOGO, and Hulu, make a great team in this department. Together, they keep me entertained as I chuckle any extra calories away. And my trusty Macbook won’t make fun of me even if I snort a little.
Relationships really are all about the give and take. I make sure my computer is up to date with all the latest software, browsers, operating systems, etc. and it makes sure not to crash when I’m up late working on a project. Sometimes we do need time apart, but it always lets me back in. Sure, it can’t take me out to dinner or keep me warm at night, and it unfortunately doesn’t have a sarcasm button, but it’s mine, and that’s all that matters.